Christmas Cheer Is Code For “You Are Fat”

Well that was Christmas.  Another year’s culminating in an over-indulgence of confectionary and alcohol and zero exercise.  I’m absolutely certain that I managed to grow a muffin top in the last week that could shelter a family of orphans from a typhoon.  Either that or my jeans shrunk in the wash.  I prefer to think that’s the reason.  They do that, don’t they?  Denim just isn’t what it used to be and everyone knows if your jeans are too tight you get muffin spillage and that it’s absolutely not your fault.  It’s nothing to do with being FAT or anything. 

Cough.

Things went well for El Cerebro and I.  Snacking, movie watching, more grazing, napping every few hours to keep up our eating stamina, then last night, happy and relaxed, we had to watch several ultra somber commercials reminding us that there are poor African orphans out there that have nothing more than sand to eat this Christmas.  We were so consumed by  guilt that I felt compelled to bake a chocolate cobbler and whip up some cream to soothe our conscience.  Because when we feel guilty we eat. And we needed comfort.  Seriously though, what’s with the guilt tripping on Christmas?  I feel beyond sad that there are people in the world with nothing to eat and severe circumstances, but part of me is a little peeved at being reminded of it while I’m shovelling pie into my face.

Like everyone else in this free world of excess, I’m determined that the second the clock strikes in 2011 I will be a changed person.  I will eat lettuce and other green things that aren’t candy.  I will drink more water.  I will buy a treadmill and run on it several times a week, clutching a fancy reusable water bottle and sporting a healthy ponytail. 

Naturally, when I say “the second the clock strikes in 2011”, I actually mean when I wake up hungover the next morning and definitely after the customary hang over breakfast of grilled cheese.   Just so we are clear.

Anyway, Santa was good to me.  He brought me a handmade voucher promising me a new laptop once I choose one (yay!) some excellent clothing articles, and a fun new toy that’s especially for ladies and requires ahem…batteries.  

I hope you all were as lucky.

4 Responses to “Christmas Cheer Is Code For “You Are Fat””

Eva Gallant said...

Wow you were lucky! I got a Snuggie, a bottle of Disaronno, and an electric space heater....

Well now, you can be warm and cozy on the couch with a good cocktail! Nothing bad about that. Snuggies are funny. They make everyone look like a psychedelic monk.

Linda Medrano said...

I love your description of what people in snuggies look like. You are so right. Yeah, we're all going to start on the treadmill at 12:01 AM New Years Day. I'm glad you have a lovely Christmas, but not surprised because you are obviously a good girl!

Linda, here's to hoping your 2011 is nice and healthy and that your treadmilling doesn't stop at 12:03AM for the rest of the year :)